Please?

Okay, I've come to the conclusion that I need to talk to you in person. Fuck this texting shit. I need to see you. Just me & you. You know what, honestly. I don't even care if there's other people there. Then they'll probably understand how much you mean to me. & how much I fucking love you. I need to tell you everything that's on my mind. Tell you everything that you probably didn't even know what you were doing the whole time. Tell you how I really feel. Maybe then you'll actually realize how badly I want us to be together. & how I'm not lying when I say I'm going to wait for you. Because I am going to wait for you. No matter what. I've loved twice now. & the first time I "fall in love" is the reason why I'm so scared to feel that way again. He's the reason why I'm not going to give up on love again. Because to tell you the truth. I could have gotten him back. But, I didn't. I loved him but I decided to let him go. At the time I thought I was going to regret it. There was some days that I did. But, I haven't regretted it since before summer 2013 started. Because of you, Diego. & I even told you I was so terrified to love somebody again. Because of what he put me through. But, I decided to take the risk of putting my heart in someone else's hands just because you made me forget about all the pain that could come. 

OhMyGosh. Anyways, this is what I'm trying to get too.. I gave up on love once before. & I'm NOT doing it again. I made a promise to myself that if I ever felt the way I did or even close to the way I did the first time I ever loved. I wouldn't do what I did the first time & give up. So, I'm not going too. I'm going to fight & wait for what I love. & That's you, Diego. I fucking love you. & that's not going to change anytime soon. That's a promise. I'm not giving up or letting go. I'm just going to do what I've been doing. Maybe more. & wait for you to realize how much I love, care & want to be with you. Because honestly, I don't want to be with anyone else. You're the only one I want/need to be with. You're the only one I want to kiss, hug, cuddle with, fall asleep in each others arms, wake up next too, kiss good morning & goodnight, do cute boyfriend/girlfriend things with, take silly pictures with, run to when I need someone, make smile/happy, have stupid arguments with & just end up closer in the end, play fight/wrestle with, make love with, say 'I love you' too, sing together even though we may sound terrible but not care because we don't judge each other, make stupid/cute videos together, & so much more! You're seriously the only person I want to do anything with. I just wish you would understand that. & hopefully that's what I can explain to you once day, soon. Who knows, maybe I'll just let you read this blog & explain what ever you want/need me to explain. 
So, if you do read this. Just remember, I love you Diego. & I will wait for you. Because I'm not giving up on love again. That's a promise I made to myself. & I'm determined to keep this promise. I just hope you'll finally understand what I'm trying to tell you.. 

~Nevaeh Raine. 
January 3rd, 2014.