It's that time.

It's time.

Time for me to let him go.

Yes, it is going to hurt like hell at first. But honestly, it's for the best.

I feel like I am waiting for nothing,

It's like waiting for it to rain in the desert, It's never going to happen.

Honestly, I am waiting for nothing. I have been waiting for over a year to be with you, & you haven't done shit. You've hurt me so many times, & I have just pushed it away. You had sex with my best fucking friend. & I forgave you for that. You were doing stuff behind my back, & I fucking forgave you. You've lied to me, so many times. & I have forgiven you. Wow, how stupid am I? You're never going to come back to me. It probably hasn't even crossed your mind once. All I wanted to do today was be with you, but you didn't want too. You never do stuff with me out in public, it's always in your house or in a different town/city. Like you don't want to be seen with me. At school, you act like I am a stranger to you. That I am nobody. Like I am your little secret. Well, I am sorry. But it's that time, for me to let you go. It's going to hurt, I am going to cry. But I know it's for the best. Because I know you're never going to stop playing this little game. & I am honestly tired of the drama, tired of getting hurt, tired of fucking crying.

You tell me you still love me & all of this shit. But then you go behind my fucking back & go have sex with her. It makes me feel like you don't care about me. That I mean nothing to you. What am I to you? A piece of paper that you can keep throwing away. Because you can. Well, it is time for me to be with someone that will actually want to be with me. & not play with my heart.

So, go be with her. Because I am done.

I am letting you go.

I can't fucking do this anymore.

I fucking hate this. 

You're hanging out with her right now! 

What the actual fuck!? 

You know I hate you two being together, you're suppose to be at soccer practice!! 

I am so pissed off & upset right now. I can't stop fucking crying. 

Holy shit!

Just please, don't do anything with her! 

Please, I am begging you. 

OhMyFuckingGosh, can you just stop!? Stop everything to do with her!? Stop talking to her, texting her, fucking hanging out with her! Just stop, please. I can't do this again, it hurts too much. Just please, leave her alone, & have her leave you alone. She'll find someone else. I promise you that, she'll actually move on. You two will finally be completely over with!

Just please, Eduardo. I am begging you. 

It just hurts so much... 

You say you still love me, but then you do this. It makes no sense! 

OhMyGosh, please. I don't want to cry anymore.. Just please.... 

Why are you doing this?

I just don't understand. 

Why do you want to ruin my life? 

Can you please explain to me what I did to make you want to do this to me? 

I bet you're proud of yourself. Getting exactly what you want, is that all you care about? Yourself. 

You know it's not true, but yet you are telling people it is. You're just trying to damn hard to ruin my life. To where I just end it myself. I am so depressed because of you, but you don't care. That's what you want. 

Go ahead, take everyone from me. 

Make my life not worth living. 

I just can't believe how horrible of a person you are. 

Congratulations. 

You're ruining my life. 

Happy? 

It's not true.

I know I have fucked up in the past. 

I know it's hard to believe me. 

I know I've "done" it before. 

But, I also know that it's not true. 

That would never happen. I would never let that happen. Why the hell would I want to ruin my life on propose? I wouldn't even do that even if I was shit faced drunk. I just wouldn't. I couldn't. 

But, no one believes me. 

In a way, I don't blame them. Because I have fucked up before. 

But then again, why would I want to do something like that again? When last time  it destoryed my life & myself. 

I just need you to believe me. 

Eduardo, it didn't happened. He didn't even take advantage of me. It didn't happen at all. I know that. I just need you to trust me. To believe me.. I know I have lied in the past, but I wouldn't lie about something like this again. If it did happen, I would have told you! I wouldn't have wanted you to find out from someone else. But, it didn't happen! I told you so many times what happened that day. & that's all what happened, I wish I could go back in time & show you. But, I can't.. 

It didn't happen. & I am sorry for what people have done, & put both of us through. I am so sorry, Eduardo. 

I would have never thought a lie could go this far, until now.. 

What the fuck?

What the actual fuck? 

You just walk right out of my life. No warning or anything. & then just deside to come back? What the fuck. 

No, you can't do that. Not to me. You hurt me so fucking bad. Left me with so many questions, what did I do? Was I that bad of a friend? Did you even care about me? Was everything just a lie? 

You were my best fucking friend, the one tha I went to everything for. Told you every little thing. You weren't just a best friend to me, you were my god damn sister. But not anymore, sisters or even best friends don't do that. You were the one person that has never left me. I forgave you for the most fucked up thing. Because you were my best friend! I put what you did behind me. Like it never happened. & then you just decided to get up & leave, without saying anything? That fucked with my head so bad. & now you've decided to come back? 

Do you have any idea how bad that fucks with my head!? I can't trust you anymore. For now, I just can't. But I can't tell for in the future. Because what if you just decide to leave again? I can't go through all of that again. 

I just don't know anymore. 

I don't care. 

Their just friends.

Their just friends. 

Eduardo & Katy are just friends. 

Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. Their just friends. 

I just don't matter.

I feel like I just don't matter anymore. Like I could just die & no one would notice. 

Like I am just a waste of space. 

No one seems to care about me anymore. I feel like my feelings just don't matter anymore. People can hurt me & just laugh about it. Like it doesn't affect me at all, when it does. But they don't care, as long as their happy that's all that matters to them. They don't care that they are distroying my life & me. That their hurting me so bad to where I just don't want to be here anymore. 

You know, if I would have just heard that at school I would have laughed. Like, "Are you kidding me? That's hilarious that someone would make up a lie like that. Do they not have anything better to do?" But I didn't hear it like that, I heard it from the one person that means the absolute world to me. & it wasn't in a good, laughing way. It was in the way that I just wanted to ball my eyes out because a stupid, messed up lie was starting to ruin my life. I wouldn't have cared, but it was effecting my relationship with the person I love the most. & I instantly started thinking I was going to lose him. Which I just can't handle. Everyone knows that. But that's when it started to get to me. Because I cannot lose anymore people in my life, especially him. 

I am sorry, I can't write anymore. 

I just can't right now. 

I just don't understand,

How can people be so cruel? Why would people purposely try to ruin someone's life? Make it to where they don't want to live anymore? I just don't get it. 

What did I ever do to you three? Because I honestly don't remember what I did to make you guys want to ruin everything for me. But, I bet you three are happy. You guys are almost getting what you want, for my life to be ruined. Congratulations. I am so fucking happy for you guys. Do you want me to throw you a party to celebrate? I am sorry, but I just can't get over how sick of people you guys really are. Like, wow. Are you trying to make it to where I am depressed? To where my life is completely over? Because I'll admit, if that's it, then you're already half way there. Because I am depressed, are you happy now? I have been crying so damn much in the past four days, all because of you three. So, congrats. You guys got what you wanted. I hope you guys are proud of what you did, & who you became. 

Just one cut..

I just can't stop thinking about it. 

How I could just pick up that blade & make just one simple cut. 

Maybe more.. 

I have thought about it way to much lately, it just won't get out of my head. But I am staying strong, until I can't be strong anymore. 

I am holding back that urge as much as I can. 

I can't let the blade win this time. Even if I want it too.