Yesterday

I really don't know how to start any of these anymore. I used to know exactly what I wanted to write before I was even logged in. But now, I have no clue. I have no much going through my head, I just can't think straight. I have been so damn stressed, & depressed. & my anxiety has been getting worse & worse every day that passes without him. I just don't know how much longer I can go around like this. I feel like I am losing my mind, like I don't know what I am doing anymore. I just feel really lost without him. 

I wish I could go back to yesterday, when we were both happy. I've missed you, I really have. I've missed that smile. That smile that you have when you're with me. That smile that you have when I catch you starring at me. That smile you have after you kiss me & we're both just looking into each others eyes. That smile you get just by being with me. That smile I love so damn much. 

Yesterday was amazing. We were hanging out, just being us. We were both smiling & just plain happy. & then I had to go, you watched me out to the truck & you told me you would see me tomorrow. I asked for a hug before I left & I just couldn't stop smiling. We were so happy. Then, you kissed me. You kissed me so many damn times, gosh I have missed your lips on mine. & I just looked up at you & we both smiled. I swear I fell in love with you all over again at that every second. I was so happy I could have cried.

You told me you missed me, & you had a lot to think about. & that was okay. You told me you missed me & I just looked at you & smiled while I went to kiss you. & told you, "We will talk about it tomorrow & I'll give you tonight to think." You smiled & kissed me back. I left your house knowing we were both happy. I honestly couldn't stop smiling. 

I still can't stop smiling. 

I love you, I know I haven't told you that in awhile. But I do, I will always love you.