Why the hell do I care so much?

I just don't get it.

For over a damn year all I got was played & used. & I still fucking care about him, I care what he is doing. I still hate it when he hangs out with her. It still makes my heart drop & eyes fill with tears when I hear that they are hanging out or that they did something.

I went over a year dealing with this shit. He clams that he "loves" me. Bullshit, if he truly loves me then he wouldn't have done all the shit he did, & continued to do it.

All I asked from him was one damn thing, & that was to stop everything with fucking her. But nope, that's too hard to do. If he does that then the world would end. Holy shit, it wasn't that damn hard to just stop talking to her, but I guess it is.

Man, fuck this. Just thinking about all of this makes me realize why I am moving on, & going for someone a whole lot better. Fuck him, & his bullshit.

I don't even know why I care anymore. He never did, so why should I.

Soon..

Soon, I will be able to look at him & not think of you. I will be able to hug him & realize it is not you hugging me anymore. I will get used to kissing him instead of you. I will get used to his touch, & forget about yours. 

It is going to be hard, & it is going to take time. But in the end, I know it will be worth it. 

I hope it will be worth it.

I am scared..

This is hard, getting comfortable with a total new, different person. 

I forgot how shy I am. 

& I hate it. 

I wish I wouldn't have to get comfortable with someone new, but I have no other choice. 

This was my decision, & I am going to do what I need to do. Yes, this is hard. But it will be worth it, I know it. 

I am just scared all he wants is one thing, I know he doesn't. He's not that type of person, I am just scared that I am wrong. 

Yes, I have major trust issues now from my last relationship. But I will try not to let that effect this one. 

This is going to be hard, but not impossible.  

Goodbye.

You think I am going to chase after you, well I am not. 

You want to walk out of my life, I'll help & hold the damn door for you. 

I am not going to chase after someone who willingly descided to leave. & then call me a whore, I didn't do shit to you. I am sorry that I was your best friend, that I was there for you whenever the hell you needed me. I am sorry, it won't happen again. My mistake. 

But I do feel bad for you, I'll admit. You're literary letting yourself get walked over. You're more than likely not even realizing it, but you are. You're not speaking for yourself anymore, it's all coming from your little friend. She talks for you, she tells you want to say, what to do. What to text. You're like her little rag doll. 

But it doesn't matter right, as long as she's telling you what to do you'll be fine. 

Have fun losing people, & when you realized what she's doing to you & all of the people you've lost because of her. Remember those people are already gone. Because of you. 

Have a wonderful life, goodbye. 

I actually did it.

Well, I did it. 

I didn't want too, but I needed too. 

It took every strength I had to walk out of thar door & not turn around. I wanted too, but I felt like it was time for me to go.

So, I did. 

I am sorry for making you cry, I am sorry that I left you balling your eyes out. I am sorry I pushed you away when you kissed me. I am sorry for crying & getting make up on your shoulder. I am sorry for leaving without saying goodbye, I am sorry for leaving you when I knew you needed me.. 

I am sorry I had to let you go.  

It's that time.

It's time.

Time for me to let him go.

Yes, it is going to hurt like hell at first. But honestly, it's for the best.

I feel like I am waiting for nothing,

It's like waiting for it to rain in the desert, It's never going to happen.

Honestly, I am waiting for nothing. I have been waiting for over a year to be with you, & you haven't done shit. You've hurt me so many times, & I have just pushed it away. You had sex with my best fucking friend. & I forgave you for that. You were doing stuff behind my back, & I fucking forgave you. You've lied to me, so many times. & I have forgiven you. Wow, how stupid am I? You're never going to come back to me. It probably hasn't even crossed your mind once. All I wanted to do today was be with you, but you didn't want too. You never do stuff with me out in public, it's always in your house or in a different town/city. Like you don't want to be seen with me. At school, you act like I am a stranger to you. That I am nobody. Like I am your little secret. Well, I am sorry. But it's that time, for me to let you go. It's going to hurt, I am going to cry. But I know it's for the best. Because I know you're never going to stop playing this little game. & I am honestly tired of the drama, tired of getting hurt, tired of fucking crying.

You tell me you still love me & all of this shit. But then you go behind my fucking back & go have sex with her. It makes me feel like you don't care about me. That I mean nothing to you. What am I to you? A piece of paper that you can keep throwing away. Because you can. Well, it is time for me to be with someone that will actually want to be with me. & not play with my heart.

So, go be with her. Because I am done.

I am letting you go.

I can't fucking do this anymore.

I fucking hate this. 

You're hanging out with her right now! 

What the actual fuck!? 

You know I hate you two being together, you're suppose to be at soccer practice!! 

I am so pissed off & upset right now. I can't stop fucking crying. 

Holy shit!

Just please, don't do anything with her! 

Please, I am begging you. 

OhMyFuckingGosh, can you just stop!? Stop everything to do with her!? Stop talking to her, texting her, fucking hanging out with her! Just stop, please. I can't do this again, it hurts too much. Just please, leave her alone, & have her leave you alone. She'll find someone else. I promise you that, she'll actually move on. You two will finally be completely over with!

Just please, Eduardo. I am begging you. 

It just hurts so much... 

You say you still love me, but then you do this. It makes no sense! 

OhMyGosh, please. I don't want to cry anymore.. Just please....