You know, I hate this. I really fucking hate this.
I feel like we're strangers.. I hate it. I don't want to be strangers. But everytime I see you out in public, it's like I don't know you. We talk, but not like we used too. I would go up to you & say something, but I feel like you don't want to talk to me. I feel weird.. I want to just go up to you & hug you. Kiss you maybe. But I can't.. You're not mine.. & I hate it. I wish you were. But, you're not.. & it sucks so bad. Anyways, I wish we were how we are at your house, but in public. If you understand what I mean.. Like, when we are at your house, how we are. It's like we're dating. I love it. You kiss me, play around with me, I can by myself when in around you at your house, it's amazing. But when we're in public, it's a total different story.. It's like I don't exist to you. Like you just look right past me, yeah you say, "hey" or "hi" but it's not the same. I wish you'd put the same effort in how you do at your house but around other people too. Yeah, that kinda confused me. But whatever..
Anyways, I just hate how we act like strangers around other people.. It makes me feel like I'm just not good enough for you anymore.. I literally go home & just want to cry.. I do sometimes.. But, still. I hate this, I just want to be yours. I want to be happy, because even if I see you at the beach or something. I'll literally just go right up to you, kiss you. & I will be all good, because I'll know that you're mine. & I am yours. You won't cheat on me, & I won't cheat on you. Honestly, life would be amazing. I would be so fuckkng happy. & I hope you would be too. But, right now. We are just a thing.. & I'm not going to complain. Because I would rather be a thing than nothing at all.
Ugh, I don't even know anymore. I just wish we were together. I miss you so much. You're seriously my everything, the first thing I think of when in the morning. & the last thing I think about right before I go to bed. I love you with literally every piece of my heart, believe it or not.
I don't know what to say anymore.. I'm trying so hard not to cry right now, but I'm not going to lie. A few tears have fallen down my face tonight.. I just don't know anymore... I'm just over thinking too much.. Ughhh. I don't know, whatever..
Erica..
July 5th, 2014.
