You're gone.. & I am still here hoping you'll come back. But you're not going to are you? You left me, when you knew I couldn't handle it. You knew I wasn't prepared for it. You knew it would kill me in way you didn't want to think was true. But Eduardo, this is killing me. & I don't know how long I can put on an act until I break & I lose it. I told you I wouldn't cry for three days, I would cry for three months because of this. & I wasn't lying to you.. You're the love of my life, the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. But you don't want me. You don't want to be with me.. & it hurts so damn bad knowing the one person you would do anything for, the one person you want to be with & love so damn much.. Doesn't want to be with you.
Eduardo, I am so sorry.. I am so sorry for every fucked up thing I have ever done to you. I am so sorry for being the main problem between us. I am so sorry for being a fucked up person. I am so sorry for fucking up so many times. I am so sorry ruining us..
How? Can you just answer that question, how? How can you throw away two years just like that. How can you just walk away after everything we've been through. How can you leave me that easily. How can you just give up like that. I just don't understand..
Eduardo, I need you. I really fucking need you. Obviously you didn't listen to anything I said that night, because you must not understand how badly I need you. Unless you did listen, & you do know & you just don't care.. But I really don't want to think that because it just makes me cry harder.. & it's already two in the morning. I really should be getting some sleep, but I can't. I can't sleep, & I more than likely won't sleep tonight. I am honestly losing it, I don't know what to do. I am lost.. & I am just going on & on about stupid random stuff that you probably don't even care about hearing. But you won't talk to me, so I don't have anyone to talk to anymore.. I don't have my best friend anymore..
I honestly don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I am starting to get beyond depressed, & i don't like it. But I can't stop it either.. I just can't lose you Eduardo, you're everything to me.. You mean the world to me, & I can't let you go. I won't let you go. I don't care how many nights I stay up balling my eyes out, I will never let you go. So if you ever want to come back, just know I'll be waiting.. Because there's no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with other than you. I'll be waiting for you to come back to me Eduardo. & I don't care how long I have to wait. As long as you've came back to me, I know the wait will be worth it. But I will admit, I am scared. No more like terrified that you'll never come back.. That you'll find someone else much better than me, & you'll never come back to me.. I am so deathly afraid of that.
I guess I should try to stop crying, calm down & get some sleep.. Even though I know it won't work. Eduardo, I just need to see you. Just one more time before I lose you completely.. Just one more time, that's all I ask. That's why I was asking you to answer me earlier, so I could possibly see you again. But you didn't reply.. You just ignored me like I didn't mean anything to you. I just need to see you, not even for that long..
I miss you, I miss you so much already. I can't go everyday like this Eduardo.. I am missing you like crazy & it hasn't even been a whole day yet. I love you, I love you so damn much. To where I can promise you I will never stop loving you. You'll always be in my heart, no matter what. I'll always love you.. Like I have said so many times before, that will never change. My love for you is just too strong to ever change & let go.
Well Eduardo, if you ever want to talk to me. You can always text me, or even call me.. Because you'll know I'll be waiting for that. You know I'll be waiting for your name to pop back up on my phone. I'll be waiting for that day you'll come back to me.. I'll be waiting for a lot of things.. But mainly, I'll be waiting for you. Just know, no matter what time or day it is, you'll always be on my mind. You'll always be that one person I'll always need to talk too. You'll always be my number one.
I am trying to be strong, I really am. But it's just not working. I can't be strong anymore. I can't do it. I can't do this. I need you Eduardo, I really fucking need you. I can't stop crying. Everytime I think am good, I start crying all over again. I can't do this. I am not strong enough for this. I am not as strong as I used to be.. I am weak. & without you, I am weaker.. I just don't know what to do anymore. You probably won't even read all of this, I don't even know why I try to talk to you. I don't even know why I have been writing this whole thing for the last hour. I just don't know.. I guess I have a lot of hope in me. I have hope in us..
Okay, I need to stop for the night.
I love you Eduardo, I love you so fucking much. I hope you have a good day at school tomorrow & a good soccer practice. I'll try to not blow your phone up this time, but if I lose it, I am sorry..
Well, I love you.. Please always remember that.
Goodnight Eduardo..
