Finally Told Her I Like Him.

I finally told her. I finally told her I like him. & honestly, it took so much just to tell her that. & now that I did, i feel so relieved. It feels like a mountain was just lifted off my chest. I just hate that fact that I hurt her. I really didn't mean too. But to be honest, I'm not sorry. Why would I be sorry that I started liking someone? That just wouldn't be right. I do feel bad that I didn't tell her the first time she asked if I liked him. That's what she's mostly hurt about. That's what I'm sorry for. not telling her the first time she asked me. But I just didn't know what to do or say. All I said was, "No I don't like him. He's just my best friend. That's it." But the real answer is, is I do like him. I like him a lot. I love the way I am around him. I'm myself. No on else. I can be weird, crazy, hyper, stupid, dumb, just myself around him. He knows everything about me. No joke. He's seriously is my best friend. & I'm so happy he walked into my life. Because if he didn't my life would be so different in so many ways. So many memories that would never have happened. So many things that would have never been told.. He seriously did make a difference in my life. & I'm so glad & happy he did. :) I can't even tell you how proud I am of myself. For finally telling my best friend I like him. I was & still am so happy. Now I just hope me & him can be together. I hope this is going to be the next step with "us". I really do. I just hope I don't have to lose anyone on the way.. That's the only thing I don't want to happen... 
But, it's official. I told her I like him. :) 

~Nevaeh Raine.<3
July 21st, 2013.

Amazing Few Days.

So, last Saturday my best friend, Faith, left to go with her other friend for a week. Honestly, I'm happy she went. This week so far had been so much fun. I got to hang out with my other best friend, Hope, all week so far. It's been a blast. We went tubing down the river. & all day yesterday we went to the beach. We hung out with people & just had fun. I finally jumped off the pier & got to hang out with people other than Faith. & then later that night went to a bomb fire & just lived life. & to top it all off; I was texting Diego all day. :) He was telling me everything he remembers about me & him. & all our memories. & he remembers all of them! He even remembered the first time he kissed me, May 6th, 2013. I was a little surprised to be honest. He was telling me about all the time when we hung out at his house & mine. & the time when I saved his life. That's right, I'm a superhero. Ha... Just kidding. But it seriously made me smile so big when he was telling me all of that. Even though I already remembered all of it. It was nice to know he still remembered & was thinking about all of our memories we've had. :) 

Anyways, I'm actually happy Faith left for a week. Because if she wouldn't have. I wouldn't have gotten to hang out with new people. & make new friends. It's nice to finally get outta the house & experience new things. I honestly thought this week wouldn't have been this fun. I didn't think I would actually hang out with Hope & get this close to her again. But I've had so much in just these few days more than I have in like 3 weeks. & I'm so glad I'm close to Hope again. I have told her so much. More than I could ever tell Faith. & I'm so happy I have someone that will always will be there for me. No matter what. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better best friend.<3 She's amazing, fun, funny, & just an amazing best friend. I love how she would never judge me. Unlike some people.. She gives me compliments outta no where & totally unexpected. We will sit on her bed for about 2 hours just talking, catching up, & getting close again. I fricken love it!<3 

I would have to say, this has been an amazing week. :) 

~Nevaeh Raine.<3 

July 18th, 2013. 

Diego. :)

Just to let you know, Diego is my best guy friend. He know's more about me then my own best friend. Me & him have so much in common it's crazy! I miss him so much! He's over 7 hours away, by car, & every mile is killing me. I just wanna see him, I want to hug him, kiss him, be with him, be playful with him, be us, be how we always are. I just want him. I like him so much. & he likes me too. We wanna be together but... We can't. There's something in the way.. & it's my best friend, Faith. Diego & Faith have dated off & on since the beginning of April this year. & she's in love with him. But he doesn't like her anymore. He never even loved her.. But she doesn't know that. All she knows about me & Diego is that we kissed. Once. But the truth is.. We didn't only kiss once. We've been kissing for a while now. But NO ONE knows that. We didn't kiss while they were dating. So he never cheated. & I never cheated. Another thing Faith doesn't know is, Diego didn't even mean to like her. He told me he liked me & wanted to ask me out & be with me. But I was with someone else at the time. I didn't know that at the time. Because if I would have. I would have broken up with my boyfriend at the time to be with Diego. Because everything would be perfectly fine. Him & Faith wouldn't have dated. & she wouldn't be in love with him. Me & him would be together. But we're not.. & now it's too late. Because if we date everyone will be against us. My best friend will hate me. She even told me if me & Diego date than she will go in depression & shut everyone out. She will be more depressed then ever before. & if you knew her like I do. then that's bad. Honestly.. I'm scared of my future.. I want to be with the guy I'm falling for.. But I don't wanna lose more people then I already have.. All I know is I'm going to have to choose sooner or later. & honestly, I am thinking about choosing him. But then.. I don't know. I don't wanna lose her as a friend. Ughh! I hate this so much. Why can't this all be easier? I just wanna be his. I wanna be his girl. I just don't wanna lose my best friend. Damn it! Why does she have to be "in love" with him? Just why? They didn't even date that long. She doesn't even know what being "in love" even is! 3 months off & on doesn't make you fall in love with someone. It took me about 5 months to be fall in love with someone. & 6 months to be completely in love with someone. I know what love feels like. I know what love is. Honestly, she may be older but she doesn't. I'm sorry to say but she doesn't. Ughh! Why can't she just see that she doesn't love him like she thinks she does. I fucking hate this. :( 
Yup, I think me & Diego are just going to stay a secret for now. So no one gets hurt. I think that is the best thing to do. 

Sorry I didn't know what else to say. I can't think right now.. 

~Nevaeh Raine.<3
July 15th, 2013.

Can't Sleep. Thinking About Him.

It's 4 in the morning & all I can think about is him. He's all I have been thinking about all day. Right when I woke up this morning all the way to now. Today I didn't want to do anything. I was just going to lay in bed all day & do nothing. But then my aunt called me asking if I could babysit my little cousin. So I got outta bed & took a shower. While I was in the shower all that was going through my head was him. Then when I got to my aunts. My cousin kept asking questions, "Where's Diego? When's he coming back? Are you two dating? Why do you have on Diego's shirt? How long is he going to be gone?" Just random questions about him. & I just kept saying, "He's at his sisters. No we're not dating. He's my best friend. He'll be back soon." He's all I can think about. I can't get him outta my head. When I got home I was thinking about texting him. But I thought he wouldn't reply. I thought we would ignore me. So I just went on Instagram. I posted a picture & he liked it. That made me smile. & I was going to text him once I finished uploading more pictures. & right before I texted him. He texted me. It seriously made my whole night. I had the biggest smile on my face. I was glad I was home alone. Because my little brother would start asking me questions & everything. & I didn't want to answer any questions. I just wanted to talk to Diego. & comes to find out. He has been thinking about me all day! We told each what we did today. & they were the same! We both woke up thinking about each other & both didn't want to get outta bed today. His sister took him to the movies & my aunt wanted me to babysit. But when we both got back home we both went on Instagram & wanted to text each other. & he texted me. It made my night. :) He told me when I texted him back it made his night. I smiled to big when he told me that. I seriously miss him so much. I can't wait for him to come back! He told me he's going to hug me & not let me go. & I don't have a problem with that! :) Because once I see him I'm going to pause. I'm going to think it is a dream. But then, I'm going to run up to him & jump in his arms & hug him until he tells me to let go. & he already told me he wasn't going to tell me to let go! :) It just seriously needs to be the middle of August already! I'm tired of missing him. I'm tired of texting him. I want to see him. I want to talk to him in person! I want to hug him, kiss him, be playful with him. I want me & him to be us again. Where we are our complete selfs & just having fun. I want us back. I want to see him every day again. Ughhhh. I fricken miss him! 
I can't sleep. I'm thinking wayy to much. & it's all about him. I hate it when I'm not texting him. I want to talk to him every single day. But I know I can't. Because he's down with his sister. She's pregnant & is about to have her baby soon. She's due at the end of this month, July. He's has to help her out. & I don't mind that. Because it is his sister! I just miss him. & I'm glad I do get to talk to him at least every other day. :) It's better than nothing if you ask me. I just want it to be August already! I miss my best friend. :(

~Nevaeh Raine.<3
July 15th, 2013. 

Me.

Hey, my name is Nevaeh. Yes it is "Heaven" spelled backwards. Anyways, this is me. I will not tell a single lie in any of my blogs. Everything is going to be the 100% truth. I promise. 
I will worn you now that what I will be posting is going to really personal. Stuff that I have not told anyone before. I made this so I can finally express the way I feel & all my emotions that have been built up over the past few months. All I ask is, please don't judge. I really hate being judged. That's why I normally keep to myself. So please, if you don't have anything nice to say. Don't say it. Thanks.

~Nevaeh Raine.<3
July 15th, 2013.