Another writing I didn't finish

Holy shit do I miss you.. But it's okay, you're in Peru with your family having a great time! It just sucks that I won't get to see you until you get back on January 8th.. This is seriously so hard for me. But I am trying to make the best of it because I know you don't want me to be upset the whole time you're gone. It's just the day after you left a lot of stuff happened, which you know what it is. But I still haven't gotten to talk to you about all of that yet.. Which seriously just sucks because I don't know what is going on between us. I have been hearing so many different things since the day you left, & I don't know what not to believe & what to believe.. That's why I just need to talk to you & figure out all of this stuff. But if I can't talk to you until you get back from Peru then that's okay! Just as long as we talk, & I mean actually talk.. Not where we hang out & get distracted with other stuff & forget to talk. I actually want to sit down &  talk to you about all of this stuff & figure out what is going on not just between us, but also figure out what is going on with you. But until you get back & I am going to try my hardest to not be upset or cry. It's just really hard at times because I am always around couples & it just makes me miss you even more.. Or even when someone mentions something about you or just says your name to me, it makes my heart beat faster & tears fill in my eyes. Or even yesterday when we were at Lillian's cheer comp, I was surrounded by couples. Especially on the way home when I was driving & Roxanne & Don were laying in the way back & Travis & Lillian were together in the back seats. & I would look over to the passenger seat & just wish you were sitting there talking to me & making me laugh & smile, instead of forcing myself not to cry wishing you were sitting next to me.. It made me miss you so much. Or even when I have something I only want to tell you, or when something happens & you're the only one that would understand why I got excited over it & you would just look at me, call me stupid & just laugh & hug me then kiss my forehead.. I really miss your forehead kisses when you hug me..