I just wasn't good enough..

I hate this. 

I fucking hate this. 

I just can't take this anymore.. 

It's gotten too bad, too fast.. & I can't stop it. 

I don't know what to do.. I'm so depressed. I don't even have a current feeling anymore. I'm just... Numb. I can't feel a thing, & that could be a good thing. But for right now, it's not. I've been cutting, just to make sure I'm still alive. To make sure I can still feel.. & sadly, I can. To be honest, I don't want to feel anymore. I don't even want to be here anymore. I've thought about suicide so many times in just the last three days.. & I'll be completely honest, I'm thinking about it again, right now. 

I just can't take the pain anymore, you have no idea how much this fucking hurts. 

How much I'm fucking in love with you. You just have no idea, do you? 

I guess not. Since you've, "let me go." I can't handle this, & you know it. Not talking you, sucks. Not seeing, just sucks even worse. & you know what's funny, I'm still wanting for you to text me & tell me you've made a mistake.. I'm still waiting for you to miss me.. I guess I just wasn't good enough for you, which hurts like a bitch. Since that's all I've ever wanted to be for you.. Well, I'm sorry. I'm just me.. 

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.. 

~Erica.. 

June 25th, 2014.