Maybe, It's That Time..

I've been sitting here, staring at this computer screen for at least an hour. I'm not even joking. I'm over thinking worst than before. So much going through my head. But, I think I made my decision.. So, here it goes..

I think it's time. It's time to try to move on.. It's going to hurt like a bitch but I guess it's just that time.. I don't want too. I wish there was another choice. But there's not.. & it sucks.. 

I just want him to be happy. & if by me moving on is going to make him happy then I'll try just for him.  I just wish I could make him happy like I used too.. Ha.. I remember all our memories when we were just best friends. We would hang out everyday after school. He would come to my house & text me saying he's outside. & we would just walk around & have fun. I remember that one day we decided to go for a walk in the woods. Not knowing where we were going. But also, not caring. You wanted to climb on this dead tree & you fell. You cut your head open. & I don't know why but I felt so bad. I felt like it was my fault. Anyways, it started getting darker & darker. So, we turned around & tried to find our way back home. Even though it took like 2 hours. It was all worth it. I also remember that one time we passed out in my yard because we were both tired as fuck. People seen us & started saying we were dating & had a thing. When we didn't at that time. It wasn't even weird. We were sharing a blanket & I was using his arm as a pillow. Wow, that was the first time we slept together.. Haha. & I remember the first time I went over to your house & your mom came home. We were just sitting on your couch playing black ops. & I got so nerves. You started laughing at me because of it. & I would tell you to stop. But that just made me laugh. I remember so much stuff that you probably don't remember.. The walks after school, the bus rides. Haha, we were bus buddies.. You specking to me in Spanish just to confuse me or tell me something you didn't want me to know because you were shy or scared to tell me. Texting everyday after I walked you half way home. Facetiming just because we were both bored & it was late at night. OhMyGosh... I remember that one night you facetimed me when you were still down in Indiana. That was the first time you told me you loved me.. & I said it back.. Wow, we have had so many great memories. Oh yeah, can't forget about June 15th.. Haha. Or August 15th.. So many memories. I wish I could relive them..

Ugh, I hate this.  I hate this so fricken much. You know what I miss? I miss my best friend. I miss the guy that was always there for me. The guy that when he first seen my scars on my wrist kissed them. & showed that he cared. & he wanted to help & be there for me when no one else was. I miss all our memories. I miss no having a care in the world because I knew I had a guy best friend that was just like me. & I didn't have to be someone I wasn't. I could be my complete self around & not care when I looked liked. I just miss my best fucking friend.. I want him back! But, I know I'm not going to get him back until I move somewhat on for him. To where me & him can be alone & I don't have that feeling to try to kiss me or anything like that. That's why he wants to stop talking & hanging out for a month. So I can move on. I just hope after all this I at least get my best friend back. That would be a dream come true. I'm not even joking.. But, I know I'm not going to get him back until I move.. So, maybe it is that time. 

When I wake up I'm going to try to start moving on. & if me & him see each other or talk or even text then I'm just going to remind myself that me & him are just friends. That's it. Nothing more.. & it's time to move on.. 

~Nevaeh Raine..

October 22nd, 2013.