What If..

All yesterday & this morning I have been thinking about that question you asked me. "What if I choose her?" You asked Faith that same question. & I don't know what she said. All I know is me & her had similar answers. Well after I answered your question. You didn't say anything. We just both fell asleep. & ever since then I have been thinking & thinking about what question. Like, what if you did choose her..? Well here. I'm going to answer that question 100% or close to 100% honest. Here it goes.. 
What is you do choose Faith instead of me? Well, here's my answer. You would choose her. There would be nothing I could do about it. You would have finally made your decision. & I would have to respect that this time. I'd leave you alone. I would have to disappear from your life.. Because I wouldn't want to be the reason why you cheat again. Or the reason why you two break up & you're not happy anymore. I just want you to be happy. & if being with Faith is going to make you happy then.. I'm happy for you. If you choose her then I'll be gone.. At least until you & I move on completely or at least 75%.. Yeah, it would hurt to see you two in school together & every time she goes to your house. I'd have to see her ride the bus & get off at your house. Yeah, it'd hurt like hell. But, I would just have to hold all that back. I'd have to hold all the jealously back & most of all.. All of the tears wanting to pour down my face. But I won't let them until I get home. So you & no one else will know I'm hurting. You won't know how I really feel. You'll just think I'm actually starting to be happy again. When the truth is, it'd only be getting worse.. But, I'd try my best not to show it. Because you'd be happy. & I wouldn't want to ruin your happiness.. If you choose her, then I'll be gone. I'll leave you alone & let you be happy. I won't bother you anymore. As long as you're happy. I'm happy for you.. I just want you to be happy. & if she makes you happier than I did. Then.. There's nothing I can do about that.. Even when I wish I could change that. I can't..   
You know, I'm literally crying right now just typing this.. Because I hate even the thought of you being with someone else. Especially her.. I hate it so much.. I can't stand it. Because I don't want you with anyone else. I want to be with you. I want to be the reason for your happiness.. I just want to restart everything.. I want to be with you. I want us together again.. I love you so much. I can't let you go.. & I don't want anyone else to have you.. Because I'm selfish. I don't like sharing you with anyone else.. So please.. Don't choose her.. You have no idea how bad that will crush me.. You have no idea how heart broken I'll truly be.. You seriously just have no idea how much I really do love you & want to be with you.. 
Diego.. I seriously love you so damn much. Please, don't choose her. I'm begging you.. 

~Nevaeh Raine.. 
November 30th, 2013.